I'd been forewarned, but it didn't make a bit of difference as I stared at the piece of plastic in my hands. I tried to hold them back, but the tears still welled up in my eyes.
One pink line. Again.
Would I never hold a baby in my arms?
I remembered the words of my doctor. People like me needed to be patient, she said. My condition made it more difficult to get pregnant, I was told.
I thought I was okay with that.
Then my friends got married. And pregnant. Many of them within the first several months of saying, "I do". I listened to complaints and woes about everything from swollen feet to premature labor.
Who would have thought someone could be jealous of those ailments?
But the longing in my heart ran deep beyond any temporary discomfort. I had one dream, and its reality eluded me.
Many of you also have a dream. People warned you at the beginning of this long publishing road that it would be difficult. You thought you were okay with that, but month after month, day after day, progress was slow -- and your dream began to ache.
Instead of bringing light and hope, your dream brought you pain and despair.
Can I encourage you today? If there was ever a time to believe in dreams -- it would be at Christmas. Take a moment today and ask your Dream Maker to show you how He -- the King in a manger -- can fulfill your dream in ways you might never expect.
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I just want to give you a hug!
ReplyDelete(((BJ)))) I'm not ready for a baby but I understand how hard it is to wait & especially how hard it is to see your friends getting exactly what you want. I'm living that right now but just as we take such pride us writing stories for our characters God takes even more care & love writing a unique story for each of us and nothing us ever late or random in His story
ReplyDeleteI know that ache first hand. (I don't have a condition, I have "unexplained infertility" which I think makes it possibly more difficult when there isn't even a reason.)(or losing babies when everyone else and their brother is having one). :(
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is anything worse than that ache. My prayers are with you. May a baby sneak up on you when you least expect it, like mine, many, many, many, . . . . many months later than you want perhaps, but hopefully someday.
Don't forget to take your own advice and ask your Dream Maker this Christmas for the patience to wait.
Emily - You have such a kind heart!
ReplyDeleteTonya - That is so true! I'm praying the Lord will bring your dreams to pass as well.
Anonymous - That is so hard. How beautiful that the Lord answered your prayer for a child. Thanks for sharing your story with me.
BJ - always praying for you, sweet friend!! I can't wait to see what God has planned for you - it will be amazing and beautiful! Love you!
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